For its second offensive strike in the new Monday Night War, TNA put forth a solid edition of iMPACT. Compared with the March 8th episode there were fewer surprises and monumental moments on the show. There was, however, an air of confidence that the previous week’s spot-fest of a broadcast lacked. And there was, once again, plenty of blood.
The blood came early (and absurdly), during a promo cut by Ric Flair and TNA champ AJ Styles. Flair out did even his own blood-letting self by busting himself open only a minute into his heated diatribe on Abyss and Jeff Hardy. Of course Flair hasn’t been able to get through a match without gushing blood from the hairline for about a decade, but now he can’t get through a promo without donning the crimson mask.
Styles and especially Flair (who can’t help but steal some of the champ’s thunder with his wild promo work) had some harsh words for Jeff Hardy, words which prompted the “Charismatic Enigma” to venture to the ring and meet Styles and the Nature Boy face to face (to face). Hardy (who moments earlier was shown arriving at the iMPACT Zone in the douchiest possible fashion, stepping out of an over-sized, metallic orange hummer with Hulk Hogan, Abyss, and Rob Van Dam) didn’t say much, as Styles screamed in his flash-painted face and Flair bled and caterwauled beside him. Flair surprisingly made reference to Hardy’s history of alleged drug use, when he suggest that he leave the ring and go get high from the fumes of his poster paints.
Styles then challenged Hardy to a match later in the show, which Hardy accepted declaring that he would “fly high on the backs of his creatures of the night.” In step with his battle cry, the stage lights went out and the black lights came up, revealing a slew of fans in attendance, whose faces were painted up like Hardy’s. I appreciate the spirit of this publicity stunt, but it’s hard to believe that each of those fans made the independent decision to don fluorescent face paint. It was clearly “encouraged” by TNA, and in that way was reminiscent of the Sting masks which notoriously (and humorously) spooked Hulk Hogan, back in nWo-era WCW. Still, the fan support drove the already irate Styles and Flair over the edge. The champ swore and stomped, while the Nature Boy bled and screamed and convulsed… and bled.
Another segment which saw its share of red was the tag team match between the teams of Kurt Angle and D’Angelo Dinero and Mr. Anderson and Desmond Wolfe. After a brisk exchange, the Pope countered a figure four leg lock attempt by Wolfe into an inside cradle for a three count. But it was after the match that things heated way up, as Mr. Anderson launched an assault on Angle. He once again lacerated the gold medalist with his own dog tags. He then garnered some epic heat, as he mocked the barely conscious Angle and even pounded his bleeding forehead with his dropdown microphone. This over-the-top segment efficiently restored Anderson’s heel edge, following the beat down he received from Angle and a dozen American soldiers on the previous iMPACT.
A backstage segment featured Jimmy Hart and the Nasty Boys assaulting Jesse Neal, in an attack that culminated with Sags power bombing Neal through the crafts services tables (and it looked like the day’s special was baked ziti… baked ziti). As a result of the attack, Neal could not compete in the six man tag, in which he and Team 3D were scheduled to take on the Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart. As a replacement for Neal, Team 3D recruited a returning Spike Dudley, rewritten into the Team 3D fraternity as “Brother Runt.”
As far as I can recall, Jimmy Hart hasn’t been an official combatant in a pro wrestling match since his angle with the late Andy Kauffman in the early 1980s. Hart, who hasn’t competed in 30 years and is a legendary weakling in the mythos of pro wrestling, still looked better in the ring than did Brian Knobs, who seems determined to become the first wrestler to compete while on hospice.
Moreover, the Mouth of the South actually scored the pin. With the referee distracted, Knobs waddled over to Brother Ray and laid him out with a labored swing of Hart’s motorcycle helmet, before returning, noticeably winded, to the ring apron. Hart then covered Devon for the three count. The match was, needless to say, the lowlight of the show… and of my life thus far.
Hulk Hogan came to the ring (brandishing his trusty air guitar) and called recently heel-turned Sting down form the arena rafters. Sting obliged, only to be jumped by RVD as he approached the ring. Hogan was about to take a baseball bat to Sting, to gain a measure of revenge from the previous week, when Eric Bischoff interjected and reminded Hogan that he was there to run the company, not assault its employees with primitive weaponry (an etiquette of which all executives need to be reminded from time to time).
Kevin Nash offered his former partner and current rival Scott Hall 25,000 dollars, if he could last for five minutes in the ring. From the looks of Hall, it was a safe bet for Nash (any time a wrestler competes in a sweatshirt and jeans, there’s trouble in paradise). The “Bad Guy” endured but for the grace of Sean “Syxx Pac” Waltman, who interfered and joined Hall in a beat down on Nash. Eric Young, of course, rushed to his partner’s rescue and received a beat down of his own in return. The segment was efficient enough, but failed to rouse my interest in the Hall and Waltman v.s. Nash and Young match at Destination X… and I doubt my apathy casts me in the minority on this issue.
In an effort to “clean up TNA,” Eric Bischoff decreed that he would be shaving all of that offensive, anti-authoritatively long hair off of Mick Foley’s head. As wrestling history has unfailing demonstrated, such endeavors are best carried out in the ring and before a live audience. Bischoff set up a barber’s chair in the squared circle and then called Foley out to the ring to accept his corporate makeover.
Foley for his part teased that he would fall in line and allow the haircut, but then as Bischoff’s clipper-wielding hand neared Foley’s trademarked unkempt locks, the Hardcore Legend made his move. He revealed his right hand to be enshrouded in his old friend Mr. Socko, and then plunged it into Bischoff’s mouth, locking into the Mandible Claw. After a moment’s struggle, the boss was out cold in the barber’s chair, where he remained long enough for Foley to shave most of the white hair from his head. An uppity executive getting his comeuppance in the form of a demoralizing haircut is nothing new to pro wrestling. It was a nice touch though (and one reminiscent of Piper and Adonis at WM 3), when Foley held a mirror in front of the gradually rousing Bischoff.
In a backstage interview, number one contender for the X Division Championship Shannon Moore proclaimed himself a follower of Dilligaf: the excruciatingly unclever acronym of “Does it look like a give a f#ck?” I guess Moore follows the dilligaf philosophy only when he’s not thanking God it’s Friday or rolling on the floor laughing.
A verbal brawl between Generation Me and The Motor City Machine Guns exploded into an X Division exhibition involving Amazing Red, Daniels, Kazarian, Brain Kendrick and a host of other top highflyers of TNA. The crowd was into it, and it was smart on TNA’s part to dedicate some TV time to the division around which its upcoming pay-per-view is built. Former champ Amazing Red looked as impressive in this segment as Kazarian did last week. The Ultimate X bout at Destination X is almost guaranteed to be a uniquely brutal and entertaining match.
The Hardy Styles match could have headlined any pay-per-view, and I was sure that it would last for about two minutes before Flair got involved and the bout quickly devolved into a schmoz. I was surprised when the match surged on into its second, fifth, and tenth minute of solid one-on-one action. Flair did attempt to get involved a number of times but was stopped dead in his tracks by Abyss, whom Hogan had named the special enforcer for the contest. Styles naturally got in some great looking offense, but in the end Hardy scored a surprisingly decisive pin following a Swanton Bomb. With this ending it became clear that the primary goal was to put the returning Hardy over as a major player in TNA.
The gesture was not entirely necessary. Hardy’s popularity coupled with his recent title history in WWE are enough to put Hardy over in any promotion. However, it was wise to put the spotlight on the “charismatic enigma,” who along with RVD represents the two biggest talent acquisition of TNA’s Hogan era. With its growing roster and its two hours of weekly television (limited in comparison to WWE’s six), TNA has the ability to deliver fresh, exciting main event match ups with greater ease and consistency than WWE can, in its current state, manage. They certainly demonstrated that with the Styles/Hardy main event. The company clearly aims to prove that it can, at the very least, generate content that can easily match that of WWE, and with the current state of its roster, that point is hard to dispute.
But lest we forget: for every Hardy/Styles match there’s Nasty Boys/Team 3D bout, lurking like a cancer on the card.
Atomicdro's Blog 
Interesting post, thanks